I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
