I didn't shave. On purpose
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
