Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
