yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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