what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
