So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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