thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
