I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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