Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
