So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
