i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
