i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
