It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
