my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
