Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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