Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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