Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
