Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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