We won't sleep together?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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