tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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