I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Green mimosas i think yes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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