who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do vagina's smell?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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