I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just cut my nipple shaving
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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