i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize