My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
