So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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