I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
