Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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