i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
