ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
