Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
