ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
