Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
