who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
