Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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