really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
