My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
