so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
