mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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