she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
