I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize