How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
