Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
