Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
