Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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