At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
