i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
