Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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