God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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