Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize