The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
