i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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