Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
