Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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