hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She said her name was "party"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
