it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
