Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
