Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
