Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
