So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize