I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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