You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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