Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
