I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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