I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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