4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
