dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize