the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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